Well, Bert would be happy with this one, then

Top Gear's James May races a Ford SportKa against... are you ready for it? A pigeon.

911 Never Forget

In which the estimable Mr. Jeremy Clarkson attempts to visit destruction upon a poor, innocent '80s Porsche, for the crime of being too small, too ergonomically poor and too German. Reminds me of my high-school days, when we used to run into buildings and mow down fenceposts in my friend's old '67 F100 and managed nothing worse than to dent the grill a little bit. I wish I'd bought it--I could be leasing it out to the BC government, unleashing the rage of a 390 FE V8 on the pine-beetle ravaged forests of the Interior in order to save what's left.

"I would rather staple my ears to a horse."

From the inimitable BBC Top Gear, a sports car race with a difference: Can Clarkson & friends finish building a Caterham 7 in kit form before the Stig can drive a finished one to the track?