It Came From Beyond the Hundred Dollar Guitar

Carts of Darkness

2009-01-26T20:57:00.029-07:00

The scene: The affluent, hilly and eco-conscious streets of North Vancouver. In the shadow of one of the world's finest ski/snowboard hills, on the same streets that gave rise to the world champion downhill longboard teams of Rayne and Landyachtz, there's another breed of insane thrill-seekers on the loose. Every city in North America has hordes of homeless people filling shopping carts with discarded empties, scraping up enough for a slice of pizza and a day's worth of booze or drugs five cents at a time--but it becomes a little bit different when they can reach speeds of 70+ km/h bombing hills on those carts. The NFB's Murray Siple tells the story:

(Incedentally, this is the first I've seen of the NFB's new post-YouTube site... well done, lads!)

edit: If the embed isn't working for you, the full length film is here.

There She Goes Again

2008-12-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

It's redonkulous Internet meme time!

How this works:

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 5 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY", YOU SAY?
No One Has (Remastered)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Mudride (Demo)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
40 0z. To Freedom

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Casino Boogie

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Good Day

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Blue Lines

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Trumpet Clip

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
In The Morning of the Magicians

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Horn Blower

WHAT IS 2+2?
Run Thru

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Finish Your Collapse and Stay For Breakfast

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Never Let Me Down

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Steam Engine

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
House of Cards

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lowlife

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Hangin Downtown

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
She Thinks She's Fat

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Syeeda's Song Flute

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Inevitability of Death

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Hag

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Jesus Christ

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Da Art of Storytelling pt. 2 (acapella)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Elevate Me Later

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
One Of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Hey Joe

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Seer's Tower

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
In n' Out of Grace

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Ya Leil

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Naima

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
There She Goes Again

There is no way to make the term "schlongboard" not sound inappriopriately raunchy

2008-11-21T18:43:00.001-07:00

Our tale begins, as so many do, at a party. Or rather, if you insist on specifics, at an indie rock bar that doubles as a jazz club. I'd seen on my cousin Mark's Facebook that he, and his thoroughly brilliant latin jazz/fusion/world music combo Cumako were set to host the Saturday afternoon jazz jam at Broken City, and I, being a fan of sax solos, ninth chords and weddings-parties-anything-bongo-jams-a-speciality, thought it a worthy way to unwind from work.

So I arrived while the band was on break, and wound up chatting with Mark, and he asked me if I want to go to his charming wife's birthday party that evening. "Sounds like a plan", I said, or words to that effect.

Now it must be said that Mark, for all his bohemian hippie-surfer-dude appearance, is a man who believes in the old Scouts' motto of "Be Prepared" to the nth degree, at least where parties are concerned, so along the way, in addition to said aforementioned charming wife (Hi Eva, if you're reading this!) and a couple of other guests, and the expected assortment of wobbly pops and exotic small-label tequilas, he winds up loading a guitar, his bass and three skateboards in the back of his right-hand-drive Mitsubishi van.

Anyway, after a suitable time has passed at the party, we decide the evening calls for a nocturnal longboard raid down the broad, sweeping backalleys of whichever suburban neighbourhood this actually was. I've never ridden a longboard before, only the standard popsicle stick skateboards and a frankly kind of scary '60s Makaha mini I bought at a garage sale like 20 years ago. I knew to expect a smoother ride than I was used to, but beyond that, I was unprepared for the sheer magnitude of radness. I was riding a borrowed Loaded Vanguard, with a nicely flexy bamboo construction and huge Gumball wheels, and the sensation of riding it was a kind of floaty euphoria. Long story short, I knew I needed to get something like it.

Unfortunately, it was--and as I write this, is--November in Calgary, and the cheapskate in me blanches at the thought of dropping $300 on a setup like that Loaded one, or even $200 on the Landyachtz board I like best out of what I've found in the local shops, and then waiting until next frickin' year to ride it. However, I did have a spare shortboard deck , a set of longboard trucks and wheels I'd bought for $5 at a garage sale in the summer, a drill and a couple of hours to kill today. The forums at Silverfish tell me this combination is called a Shlongboard, a combination of shortboard, longboard and "ha ha dick jokes are funny." Sounds thoroughly doable...

The victim.

After removing the existing trucks, step the first is to take a straightedge and scribe a line past the stock truck bolt holes. This will align the new holes.

Right here looks nice.

Now figure out where you want that truck, and mark some mounting holes. Measure 'em well to make sure they're square and drill, baby, drill. After the first two are drilled, you can use the truck itself as a template for the next two. Then do the same thing on the other end of the board.

And here's the end result. You can see the increase in wheelbase for yourself. Ride height is, surprisingly, only a half inch or so lower, and the new trucks turn hard enough I'll probably need to carve cutouts in the nose and tail to avoid wheelbite. More surprising is that the board seems flexier than in its stock configuration, which suits me fine. I took it for a little test ride, and while it's nowhere near as fast or Cadillac-smooth as the Loaded board I tried, it'll still make a nice neighbourhood cruiser. I'd like to try setting it up with some faster bearings and bigger wheels, but I definitely got my five bucks worth!

But where's the walrus 'stache?

2008-09-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

via roflrazzi

Nothing runs like a Deere...

2008-09-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

..but apparently nothing keeps time like an Farmall:

I been framed!

2008-08-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

And brake'd, and lit up, and axled and wheeled... sounds like a good start to a blues song, right? *makes mental note*

But what really happened is a fresh infusion of parts to give the ol' T project a little jumpstart. I started off trading some artwork to Roddychops, head honcho of Vintage Rods--the site logo, the official site flyer here, and a "Roddychop's Customs" logo for his personal builds in exchange for a nice F100 brake setup and some dropped steering arms. Then I found out he's an even bigger fan of the art department at the Royal Canadian Mint, and traded a few of their handy wallet-sized portraits of Robert Borden and the Queen for a frame, a dropped tube axle and some headlights... the result is this:

Just another mockup pick, but the wheelbase and front ride height should be right on... Rear end is gonna come up maybe 4-6" since the frame kickup is actually resting on the rear axles right now, but it looks good for a classic highboy stance imho. I'm not 100% sure I wanna run a tube axle with split wishbones though, but the alternatives are either chopping off those beautiful frame horns for a suicide front so I can run my '40 axle, Z-ing the frame in front or sweeping it at the firewall for same, or maybe adapting my rear hairpins to run 'em in front instead.

In any case, here now for your musical entertainment is Mr. Ry Cooder, doing "Crazy 'Bout an Automobile":

The original Star Trek opening credits, revealed

2008-06-28T17:14:00.001-07:00

Bill's Bad Day

2008-06-25T07:08:00.004-07:00

`There's nothing unusual about this scathing rant against Windows' sometimes lousy usuability...

I decided to download (Moviemaker) and buy the Digital Plus pack ... so I went to Microsoft.com. They have a download place so I went there.

The first 5 times I used the site it timed out while trying to bring up the download page. Then after an 8 second delay I got it to come up.

This site is so slow it is unusable.

It wasn't in the top 5 so I expanded the other 45.

These 45 names are totally confusing. These names make stuff like: C:\Documents and Settings\billg\My Documents\My Pictures seem clear.

They are not filtered by the system ... and so many of the things are strange.

I tried scoping to Media stuff. Still no moviemaker. I typed in movie. Nothing. I typed in movie maker. Nothing.

So I gave up and sent mail to Amir saying - where is this Moviemaker download? Does it exist?

So they told me that using the download page to download something was not something they anticipated.

...nothing, that is, except its author is named Bill Gates.

Drinking age: 55

2008-05-25T18:30:00.005-07:00

I can't decide offhand whether Fred J. Eaglesmith is the best country singer in Canada, or just somewhere in the top three[*], but he's definitely the best stage banter artist. Here he is, demonstrating why on an unreleased tune called "Tryin' to Buy Alcohol in Abilene."

[*] The other two: Stompin' Tom Connors and Corb Lund.

I love the smell of rust in the afternoon

2008-05-02T18:06:00.003-07:00

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle aside, the man in the brown truck came through today--as did the person in the red-and-white postiemobile yesterday--with like 100 pounds altogether of vintage Henry Ford and/or new-in-box Speedway Motors goodness. As seen in the above pic, I've now got a drilled '40 Ford axle--bought from the owner of a Canadian Hot Rods & Classics cover car, no less!--a pair of split wishbones of unknown vintage, and not pictured, another set of split 'bones, and a brand new pair of rear hairpin radius rods. I'm on the hunt for a set of early Ford V8 or F1 spindles, plus a buncha stuff that I'm probably gonna wind up getting new from the aftermarket:

spring perches

kingpins

a disc brake kit

shackels

a front spring

Throw in whatever miscellaneous hardware I'm gonna need--U-bolts, spring clamps and the like, and I'll be ready to mockup a frame with 2x4s, then order the real deal in solid steel. Well, 2x3x.188 wall rectangular tube steel, but you get the general idea...

Stupid shipping tricks

2008-04-30T16:56:00.001-07:00

I really don't think UPS oughtta be bragging about something called "Quantum View". Are they saying they can tell you the position of your package or how fast it's going, but not both? And that even trying to observe that would change both anyway?

At least I'm not getting a cat shipped by them--I know what happened when Schroedinger tried that...

Shaved dwarf fighting, EXPOSED!!!

2008-02-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

YouTube user "Buffalax" takes time off from his usual gig of hilariously mistranslating Bollywood songs to illuminate the hidden truthiness in this Stephen Colbert interview:

This will be a car someday

2008-02-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

Now that the weather has retreated from the depths of arctic hell to the relatively balmy area of almost-not-freezing, I decided the day was perfect to play around a bit with mocking up my latest project-slash-white elephant, a '26/27 Model T roadster pickup hot rod. I've got a '52 Ford flathead V8 (not pictured, obviously), matching truck 3-speed, 8-inch rear, and the plan is to build a late-50's/early-60's style rod roughly similar in style to the Don Conley roadster:

A great disturbance in the lunch line

2007-11-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

British comic genius Eddie Izzard's "Death Star Cafeteria" bit, now with stop-motion Lego animation. (vaguely NSFW, swearing)

[via Whatever]

Two wheels is plenty

2007-11-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

It takes two (three?) things to do what the guy in the Messerschmidt microcar does here: balls made of steel--and brains made of, well, steel. Or anything else that isn't nerve tissue.

Tip o' the hat to Melvin C. Thudpucker for this one.

Well, that only took a month...

2007-10-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Vacation snaps: (click the slideshow to see 'em bigger)

Kinda likin' this Picasa deal. Not quite as nice as Flickr in some ways, but pretty good at photo management.

Montreal, Day One

2007-09-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

The Montreal Festival of Cognitive Dissonance
So I found it kind of amusing that before the trip began, my sole Quebecois coworker--who happens to be a young, foxxxxay female--began her advice by listing strip clubs, and after a list of more respectably touristy things, ended her schpiel by announcing "Oh, and if you wanna--'ow you say, pay for fucking?--go to Ontario Street." (Do I radiate loneliness that badly? Please say no...)

Anyway, I figured at the time this was some kind of knowing joke on the part of a long-ago urban planner: "Hey Gilles, where we gonna put dese prostitute?" "How 'bout Rue Ontario? Dat'll show dose Toronto fuckers..."

Today, though, was apparently the fifth annual running of an international festival called "Dans la ville sans ma voiture" ("In the city without my car") which, in its Montreal iteration, involves closing down eight or ten blocks worth of Rue Ste. Catherine and associated cross streets--for my fellow Calgarians, think a much less crowded 4th Street Lilac Fest--and parading throngs of happy, giggling preschoolers down a street that, when it's not full of stores[*], seems to be giant ornate churches on one side--and hole-in-the-wall *ahem* establishments offering "Live Nudes" and "Contact Dancing" down the other. Some of you will no doubt be glad to know the Bill 101 folks seem all right with *that* in English.

[*] he said in a Dave Bowman voice

A Cobblestone In Every Street and a Cathedral For Every Parishioner
Coming from Calgary, a town so in love with reinventing itself architecturally--and so new in the first place--that any building that predates Hitler invading Poland seems like a rare, precious link to a past so remote it hardly seems real. Montreal, on the other hand, has so much architectural history they don't know what to do with it. The guidebooks recommend a walking tour of Vieux Montreal (Old Montreal) with its cobblestone streets, 17th and 18th century French architecture and insanely high gift shop-to-possible customer ratio, and they're quick to play up the strengths of the huge, gothic Notre Dame cathedral--but a five-minute walk through any part of downtown picked at random is guaranteed to turn up at least a handful of charming old buildings--one of which is probably gonna be some breathtaking basilique, cathedral or the like. And three quarters of those are named after the Virgin Mary, so it gets a little confusing.

Evidently I Am Not A Cunning Linguist
Three ways a discussion can go with a Montreal shopkeeper/server/customer service what-have-you, assuming your language skills are identical to mine:

1. Begin in English. The other party, being a consummate professional in a bilingual city, will of course follow--and you'll end up feeling a vague sense of Liberal Guilt(tm) over your Insidious Cultural Imperialism(R) if they have even a smidgen of a French accent. Which they probably do, since like 80% or something of this city rocks la langue Francaise when they have a choice about it.
2. Begin in French. The other party, being a consummate professional in a bilingual city, will of course switch to English before you have a chance to embarass yourself any further. Liberal cultural imperial guilty whatever see above.
3. Allow them to begin in French, and if you're lucky you'll be able to get by with only "Oui", "Non" and "Non, merci". And feel like the worldly cultural sophisticate you are.

VAY-KAY-SHUN, or, Je commence un voyage

2007-09-19T19:56:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm off to the land of poutine and Leonard Cohen for a week. This isn't the standard "I apologize in advance for neglecting my blog" post because I pretty much do that anyway, so expect me to actually have something interesting to say and/or share when I get back, if not sooner.

Unless the Language Cops drag moi away for le murdeur vicieux de langue francais, in which case send baguettes, Camus and a t-shirt that says "I didn't mean that about Levesque".

To celebrate, here's Flight of the Conchords explaining in musical fashion what to do with un anana you find in la supermarche.

[Brand of your shirt] + [Brand of your pants/skirt]

2007-09-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

My science fiction name is Lucky 13 Guess.

That is every possible kind of awesome.

Just like the '50s, bro!

2007-09-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

Headline: Bush: U.S. Will Call End to Korean War When North Stops Nuclear Pursuits

The great news about this is that the Iraq war might be over as soon as 2060! By which time the reanimated John F. Kennedy will capture America's hearts with a promise to put a zombie on the moon by decade's end, and we might finally hear the last part of Richard M. Nixon's Piano Concerto No. 1. Assuming he doesn't burn the tapes.

What's on John Lennon's iPod?

2007-08-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

Did I say "iPod"? I meant "portable 40-record jukebox". Excellent documentary on what were apparently the late Beatle's 40 fave 45s.

[via Smashing Telly]

Brought to you by the letter "B"

2007-08-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight's feature presentation: Arch Hall Jr. in "The Choppers". Crazy beatnik slang? In like flint, Daddy-O. Juvenile delinquents stealing car parts? Oh yeah. Enough shots of a Nailhead-powered T-Bucket that it ought to have gotten co-star credit? Koolsville...

and the crowning touch, a song called "Monkey in a Hatband?" Burn rubber, baby!

[via the H.A.M.B.]

When an egg loves a calculator

2007-08-18T18:49:00.001-07:00

Petra Haden, "Don't Stop Believin'"

[via Whatever]

Three Sheets to the Wind In Bloggenhagen (with Chuck E. Weiss)

2007-08-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight's feature presentation: a twofer of Tom Waits, 70's style.

"The Piano Has Been Drinking" on "Fernwood 2night"

"Eggs and Sausage" on "The Mike Douglas Show"

[both via Bedazzled!]

Carlos & Buddy

2007-08-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

Carlos Santana joins Buddy Guy onstage at the Montreaux Jazz Festival.

More blues in 6/4 at MeFi.