Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Look out child 'cause I'm using technology

Iggy Pop's tour rider is kind of like "This Is Spinal Tap" if, instead of being a movie, it was a contract specifying the musical gear, food and refreshments required by the band, and instead of being fictional, it was 100% real. Sample quote:

We need one (1) monitor man who speaks good English and is not afraid of death.

(Only joking... or am I?)

Also, he needs to know a little bit about monitors. This may seem obvious, but believe me...

(For example, in Santiago de Compostela, in Galicia in Northern Spain, they appear to think--if they just ignore riders like this, then supply a fat, bearded hippy with a digital monitor desk (doh!) who doesn't know shit about eq-ing, and monitor wedges that would be better suited to wedging doors open, and a load of stage managers and PA geezers and promoters reps who shout a lot--that this is the same as providing what a band actually needs in order to do a gig to the best of their ability. And that if they deny that their gear is no good, it will suddenly, mysteriously become good.

I'd just like to say that the next time the Stooges get booked for their festival, I'm going to turn up with some pickled eggs, a small blue vibrator with a jelly dolphin balanced on the shaft, a set of dog-eared encyclopedias with the volume E-G missing, and a screwdriver that's been accidentally dropped in the toilet.
And then, when they say, "That's not the Stooges"
I'm going to say, "Yes it is!"
And then they'll say, "No it isn't!"
And I'm going to say, "Yes it is!!!"
See how they like it, fuckers.

No comments: